Obama Lies. America Cries. Media Denies.

In developing news, today Obama blamed everyone but himself for everything as he polishes his Nobel Peace Prize, having just missed a 3 foot putt on the 18th. “Somebody left a spike mark,” he whined as he entered the golf cart. Minutes later the 5 hour delay for tee times at St. Andrews mysteriously disappeared. These days, everywhere Barry goes, Barry shuts down highways, businesses, neighborhoods, golf courses, and Democrats futures. Rumor has it that he has that same effect on christian churches in all nearby states. In the near future it is expected that he will be able to shut down all of America. Fortunately for him there will be someone else is to blame. Today’s blame rests keenly with the GOP, the greens keeper, and John Boehner. Tomorrow he will leave out the greens keeper and John Boehner is a coin toss but the GOP is on the blame schedule.

History in the making has never been so enthralling but then America is witnessing its first messiah. Fortunately for “his Obamliness”, he knows the answer to everything and doesn’t require assistance. Neither doth he require competent people in responsible positions near to him. Those jobs can be filled by tax cheats and scoundrels and even those with treasonous connections; as long as they have finger holes in the backs of their puppet-like heads. Their roles are insignificant to Barry as he alone determines America’s course. Just today Barry annouced he is planning to spend 50 billion on roads and stuff. He did this using his own head and not one of the talking ones. According to Barry, even though he just spent quadrillions on roads and stuff he wants to spend some more to show America how sensitive he is to the unemployed. So, in a humble speech taking up almost none of his precious time he threw a bone to the same construction crews that got the last work. Sources said he can now get to the more important business of feeding his ice cream addicted family.

Since Barry doesn’t have to work with actual numbers the 50 billion could be rounded up to as high as gadzillions. We will have to wait for the actual documents to know which pork projects he failed to mention. Meanwhile back at the Obama digs they have been redoing the oval office at “Allah only knows” what cost to the people. In true Barry form the carpet contains a misquote wrongly attributed to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Like everything Barry does, you don’t see what your are getting until it is too late. I suspect the rug is some right-wing conspiracy thing anyway. We can ask Gibby in the morning.

Assuming you have read this far it does appear that I have accused someone of being a muslim. This is just not the case. Barry is not religious by traditional standards. By definition a belief in god would necessitate a supreme being. If “one” is "the one" then that “supreme being" could only be "ones self" thereby needing to worship “himself”. Think about it. This frees up Saturdays, Sundays, and anything else that might interfere with golf. Note: These synonyms for “self worship” are quite illuminating.

aloof, assuming, audacious, autocratic, biggety, bossy, bragging, cavalier, cheeky, cocky, cold-shoulder, conceited, contemptuous, cool, disdainful, domineering, egotistic, haughty, high and mighty, high-handed, imperious, insolent, know-it-all, lordly, on an ego trip, overbearing, peremptory, pompous, presumptuous, pretentious, proud, puffed up, scornful, self-important, smarty, smug, sniffy, snippy, snooty, snotty, stuck up, supercilious, superior, swaggering, uppity, vain, wise guy

Okay. So perhaps Barry is not a “wise guy” in the traditional sense.

Lastly. The Old Press outlets had nothing to report today except what someone told them to say. I did not get a copy of that message so I had to write my own. Apparently they get theirs all completed with photos and envelopes containing little yellow pills that make their brains tingle and sometimes their legs.

Listen to Barry perfect his skills: